Compassion Connect: “You’re now a couple years past high school graduation and your time at the Design Studio. With the benefit of a little bit of hindsight, what do you think are the main ways that your Design Studio mentors impacted your life?”
Andrea: The main way the Design Studio mentors impacted my life would be that they saved my life. That sounds blown out of proportion, and it might be as I will not ever know how my life would have been, but ultimately they showed me how to live a different life than what I thought I was destined for.
My early years of going to the Design Studio, I was drinking, smoking marijuana, self harming and talking to older men online. On top of all of that, I was still trying to be a 15 year old girl, and living in an unstable, abusive household, the Design Studio was one of the lifelines that I clung to. At the time, I don’t think I realized how much I needed the Design Studio and the wonderful women that I call family, but I did. They showed me how to live outside of addiction and how to love, and accept love. I guess that would be another main way they affected me. They showed me how to receive love, and how to give love.
Before meeting the mentors, love was always strings attached for me. There wasn’t a reason to love unless there was something you wanted, or something you could take away in the future until you could get what you wanted. It is something that I struggle with to this day, but spending time with them and their families gave me insight to a type of affection I hadn’t seen before. (I do have to give credit to the Homolas, as I lived with them for about two years before they moved. The dynamic of their household taught me a lot about what a father looks like and what love inside a family looked like as well.)
Another way my life changed would be from my mentors’ knowledge about what red flags looked like for sex traffickers. It is something that I hadn’t thought about until recently, but at the same time I was developing my relationships with the mentors, I was also talking to an older man online. Many of the topics talked about were sexual, but also him coaxing me to allow him to come get me and bring me to Arizona where he would “take care of me.” Besides sexual texting, he would listen as I talked about my home life, and how I needed an escape.
“Another way my life changed would be from my mentors’ knowledge about what red flags looked like for sex traffickers.”
As a fifteen year old girl, I didn’t really understand the extremities of what he was saying, but all I knew was that he loved me, and wanted to protect me. Whether or not my mentors knew it was happening to the extreme it was is something I haven’t talked to them about, but looking back, they didn’t have to. The way they treated me, and the way they talked about love (as well as actually discussing sex trafficking) made me feel slightly uneasy about our conversations, and eventually I just stopped talking to him altogether, thankfully.
Andrea celebrating her High School graduation with several of her Design Studio mentors and their husbands.
CC: What do you think your life would look like now if you hadn’t been part of the Design Studio?
A: I probably wouldn’t be in college, or have the support system that I do now. Actually, very recently I was just at an intake to be connected with a counselor, and when asking me who my trusted support system was, all of the women (and a couple of their husbands) were the first to pop into my head. Also, one of them is named “momma” in my phone.
Without the Design Studio, that would have never been created. I wouldn’t have learned some of the essential skills I use today, like how to communicate and work together. How to care for each other in healthy ways, and express myself (and how to sew). I highly doubt I would have quit drinking, and without the help of a mentor, I wouldn’t have been pushed to go to meetings specifically for addictions.
Something that was also significantly related to the DS would be when I attempted suicide. When I woke up the next day after my suicide attempt, I knew I needed help, and the response I received from my family at the time was hostile. My friend, who was also my age, was by my side, but so was a mentor. Having an adult validate what I was going through was life changing, especially at a time in my life when I felt that everything was worthless.
CC: Have your experiences at the Design Studio stuck with you?
A: One of the main ways would be when I think about how I should interact with people, or teach them. I think back to when I was in the Design Studio, and how they taught me. Having adults in my life that were toxic as a child made it hard for me to accept guidance from adults in general, so now when I am working with anyone, whether my age or younger, I think back to how they taught and guided me, and try to go from that.
CC: Your mom has started to make some changes in her life recently. Can you talk a little bit about that?
A: I feel that at first, the Design Studio had a negative impact on my home life, ironically. As I spent more time at the Design Studio, I realized that I didn’t want that kind of stability to end on Tuesday night. I wanted that life at home as well. And as you can imagine, that did not stand well with my family at the time. Being 15, and suddenly wanting to change my life and acting different, like asking for apologies and talking about my feelings did not go well with my family. For them, that would require admitting to things, and bringing up toxic behavior.
Looking back, I would not change a thing because in the long run, the change it had on me and my family is amazing. In particular to my mother, I will never know how she truly feels in her heart, but over the last year she has made, in my eyes, very extreme changes to her life. And to be honest, the changes she’s been making to her life are astounding to me. We have never really been close, and with addiction being something she has struggled with since I have been born, there has always been that in the way.
Andrea (second from back right) serving as a volunteer with a new generation of Design Studio attendees.
At first, the addiction to narcotics was easy to hide, but as time went on, one drug was traded for another and at the same time I was struggling with my own issues at 15, she was leaving for weeks at a time with no contact, leaving my younger sister in my care. Looking back at those times, I would definitely say that hatred ruled my life. That also ties into the Design Studio. The Design Studio showed me how to deal with my anger issues, and what it meant to forgive when that forgiveness isn’t for the other person. The mentors helped guide me through the trial and error of forgiving my mother, and also in turn setting her free from the guilt of having done those things.
I remember writing my mother a letter, and almost drafting it out with one of my close mentors from the Design Studio. After I sent it to her, I showed my mentor, and she cried. I probably sent that letter at the beginning of this year. Joining the Design Studio at 12, I never thought that 7 years later I would still be impacted by what the Design Studio has done for me, but I am continuously surprised with the benefits of God putting the Design Studio and all of the people I have met in my life.
“Joining the Design Studio at 12, I never thought that 7 years later I would still be impacted by what the Design Studio has done for me, but I am continuously surprised with the benefits of God putting the Design Studio and all of the people I have met in my life.”
After that letter, my mother and I’s relationship has only improved. With her sobriety, and my lack of resentment, it gave way for us to be honest with each other, not bogged down by past regrets. The relationship I currently have with my mother is something that is completely new to me, but completely welcomed, and the way she has turned her life around is definitely a work of God.
CC: Recently you brought your mom in to see the Design Studio. Why was it important to you to show it to her?
A: This is actually a very sensitive topic for me. The Design Studio as a physical space, is almost a spiritual place for me. My handwriting is in the foundation of that building. My memories of birthday parties, holidays, gift giving, tears, hugs and meaningful words are all contained in that room, and until this year, I did not want my mother to be a part of it. I didn’t want any of my family to be a part of it, because I finally had something I could choose to have for myself, that I could control, and wasn’t toxic.
To bring someone to the Design Studio, that puts me in a vulnerable position because a part of me was created there. The Design Studio was a large part of my middle and high school life, yet my family had no clue about anything that happened there. Bringing my mother there was hard for both of us. I was given the option to let her into a part of my life that she didn’t know about.
It was hard for me because while I am sharing all of these things with her, the past of what it was, the things I did, the funny stories, it takes admitting that she was completely absent in my life for that many years. When I talk about the Design Studio, it is such a large aspect of my life, yet my mother had absolutely no clue what happened in those four walls. I don’t regret showing my mother the Design Studio, because I think it helped build a foundation for our relationship.
CC: Your little sister started attending the Design Studio recently! What do you hope that she will learn or grow from her time there?
A: Yes! My little sister Destini has started going to the Design Studio recently, and I am not surprised at all! I am very excited for her, and how she will shape her life based on the experiences from the Design Studio. What I hope she learns from the Design Studio is that she is loved, there are people that will always have her back, and she can be herself.
While I hope the Design Studio helps with that I also hope she grows as she gets older. Realizing earlier than I did that her life does not need to stay the way it is. There are so many choices to be made, and there is no expected answer from her, because of how she grew up, or how her sister or mother ended up. And that she can change.
CC: Can you talk a bit about what you want for your future and how you’re pursuing it?
A: When people ask me what I want for my future, the very easy answer is that I want to help marginalized communities, through service. How? I am not sure. Right now, I am interested in public health, especially in low income communities. The idea with public health is being able to help low income individuals navigate the health field. Making it easier to help them gain resources for health problems that are life changing (think diabetes or cancer) and to also help counsel the families that are affected by the sudden changes that are going to be happening.
I also know that I want to be involved with companies like Compassion Connect. Do I know exactly what that looks like? Not yet. I am also praying for clarity on these things, because like everything else, I know God has it figured out.
CC: Anything else you would add?
A: I love the design studio? I think I’ve only said it a million times.
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